I would like to give an advanced apology to anyone that may read these adoption posts and be offended. Sometimes what is in my heart doesn't come out in the right (or politically correct) words. Sometimes language cannot express what the heart feels.
***
Kalvin and Xander were so intrigued with this new brother of theirs. They couldn't keep their hands off "their" baby--grabbing his hands, pushing on his nose, tickling his cheeks. He sure didn't seem to pay much attention to them though. In fact, he got kind of fussy when they "loved" him so much.
And why did Mom and Dad spend so much time holding him, changing diapers, and giving him bottles of milk?
I look back on it now and realize that Xander had quite a rude awakening. He didn't seem so little at the time. After all, he had been our youngest and was growing up so quickly!
But he really was little-just eighteen months old!
Kalvin didn't seem to fazed by all the changes in our house. He turned four just a few weeks later. He was more interested in helping out than anything, although there were a few nights he didn't like it when the baby woke him up...
Somehow, now with three kids, all under the age of four, it all worked out.
Beautifully.
Matt and I brought Talmage home on a Saturday evening. It was such a strange experience to walk into our home with a baby. Just to literally be able to walk through the front door, without being in physical pain.
I will be brutally honest: The lack of physical pain was wonderful !
It did hurt though.
My heart ached an ache its never felt before. Why did Danielle have to experience so much pain while we experienced such great joy? It didn't seem fair to me. I wanted to make it all better for her like my mom used to do when I scraped my knee and she placed a Band-Aid on my owie, then sealed it with her kiss (wherein I would skip away with a smile on my face).
And yet, I couldn't.
I resolved to do everything in my power to take care of this little babe the way she yearned to, to let her know that her instincts to trust me with the care of the infant she bore would not be dismissed.
Danielle's mom called later that evening to see how things were going. We reassured her that we all made it home safe and the baby was sleeping. For now, her mother said, Danielle wanted some time to heal both physically and emotionally. We told her mom that when she was ready to contact us or hear more, we would be available.
***
We spoke a few times with Danielle's mom over the next couple of months, giving baby updates and such. Danielle didn't feel like she could see him yet or talk with us, but she was very much interested in hearing how things were going via her mother's calls to us.
Talmage was two months old when his birthmother was ready to see him. He had grown by leaps and bounds from a tiny thing of just over 6 lbs to a chunky monkey weighing well over 10 lbs! The kid loved to eat (and still does). Danielle held him tightly, rocked him, and told him how much she loved him.
Then she told him how happy she was that he had a Mommy and Daddy.
I cannot even type this now without tears.
I will write more about life after adoption, but I just want to leave a few last thoughts for this post.
Thank You Danielle
I (we) will forever be indebted to you for the love you have shared with us,
Thankful for our continued relationship, and
In awe of your seemingly limitless strength.
You Rock!!!
